I haven’t talked about my RTT (really traumatic thing) since February and even now I’m still learning about all the different ways it’s changed me. The physical recovery is ongoing, but the more surprising shift is how sharply aware I’ve become of my own unhappiness.
It’s gotten to a point where I can no longer distinguish whether I’ve always been a little sad or that my brain chemistry has been permanently altered by the event. It’s as if I’ve developed a clearer understanding of why The Bell Jar is called The Bell Jar. In those moments where I feel like I’m trapped inside of a glass chamber, the only thought that remains clear is “ahh, I get it now”. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether the sadness was always there or newly wired into me. Either way, it feels like part of my landscape now.
I don’t want to sound overly morbid as there are also days I feel mostly okay. My therapist told me my test results say I’m “moderately severe” on the depression scale. What a silly oxymoron. Yet somehow it feels spot on. While I’m not entirely sure what that entails, I do know that I’m capable of taking care of myself still. The autonomy of being able to recognize what’s “healthy” vs “unhealthy” and the strength to try to do what’s good for me is not something I take for granted.
In a “healthier” moment this week when I was out for a walk, I decided to borrow the audio version of 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think via Libby so that I had something to listen to. This book has been on my TBR for years, but I’ve always believed books find you when you need them most. So maybe it wasn’t an accident my brain chose this one now.
I’ve been on a few walks since and, without fail, every time I listen to the audiobook I feel happier and more clearheaded. Each “essay” is actually a chapter of the book that covers a different topic. 10 things emotionally intelligent people do not do. How the people we once loved become strangers again. And the chapter I listened to most recently: 101 things more worth thinking about than whatever’s consuming you.
Every chapter had wisdom, but this one felt personal. I’ve picked up a poor habit where I start doom scrolling when I sense my thoughts getting overwhelming. I can see it as my brain’s clever defence mechanism, but avoidance doesn’t serve me. So as the narrator went through 101 different things that are actually worth thinking about, my brain paid attention. It felt like someone handing me a new set of questions to replace the ones my brain loops on endlessly.
I’ve started to use each item as a journaling prompt with the goal to hopefully write about every topic at some point. While I can’t share the entire list, here are 20 of my favorite prompts from the list so far, some with a personal twist. Whether you’re looking for a healthier distraction to your thoughts or you’re hoping to find some new topics to write about, I’d highly recommend reading the entire list from her book if you can.
20 things more worth thinking about than whatever’s consuming you
The way it feels to live your dream day. The place you’re in, clothes you’ll wear, what you’ll eat, what work you’ll be proud of, what color your sheets are, and what you’ll take photos of.
The parts of yourself you need to work on, not because someone else doesn’t love them, but because you don’t.
What you will create today
How few of your days you really remember
Small ways you can improve your daily life
What you subconsciously love about the “problems” you struggle to get over
How to appreciate the current moment more
What you would teach your younger self
How much your pet loves you
What your future self would think looking back on you
What your deepest fear tells you about your deepest desire
The smell of the first rain of the season
What you’ll be motivated by when fear is no longer an option
The feeling of sun on your skin
How you’d behave differently if your fate depended on the thoughts you have
How complicated questions are and how simple answers could be
What “yes” feels like to you
How many seemingly random occurrences had to happen for you to be where you ar etoday
Who and where you’ll be in 5 years if you carry on as who you are today
How many times in your life you went to bed crying, wishing you could have what you have now—the job, the love, the apartment, the education, the friends, and so on.
Challenging your depressive thinking
I think the reason this book has brought clarity rather than overwhelm is because it’s constantly challenging the negative self-talk that swims in my head day-to-day. By urging me to reframe how I think about these different aspects of life, it pushes me to come face-to-face with the not-so-nice beliefs that have gotten quite deafening.
While I can’t promise it’ll help you in the same way, I wholeheartedly believe that it will at least leave a positive impression on your life. Consuming this book has turned into a healthy habit that I reach for when Im feeling low. These prompts don’t erase the heaviness or make the glass chamber vanish. But they do crack open a few windows. And sometimes a little air, a little light, is enough to remind me that there’s still life outside the jar, and that I have the power to reach for it.
You may also enjoy
Places and things that feel like home
How to feel like a human again
Depression can convince you that nothing will change, but reframing your mindset, even in the smallest way, reminds you that the story isn’t finished yet. Light can still get in.
Recently, when I feel pressured I watch your channel. it helps me a lot in getting rid of distraction, the calmness of your personality makes me think that life is easy. I wish I could discuss with you in person on topics related to productivity, organisation, and mental health. In particular, I intend to open a YouTube channel, freelance SMM, and authoring.