How to love yourself (beyond treats & self-care days)

Digging deeper into the act of self-love (on Valentine's day!)

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Happy Valentine’s Day 💌

Whether you’re spending this day with a partner, friends, or solo, I wanted to remind you to prioritize the most important relationship you’ll ever have: the one with yourself.

Self-love has always felt like a journey to me—an evolving relationship rather than a final destination. We all move through phases where we feel confident and unstoppable, only to hit periods where we’re overly critical of ourselves. The trick is learning how to stay connected to that love through it all.

I’m sure you’ve read articles suggesting self-love activities like treating yourself, planning self-care days, or booking that trip. And while grand gestures have their place, just like in romantic relationships, real self-love is built in the quieter, less glamorous moments: the hard decisions, the uncomfortable growth, the everyday ways we show up for ourselves.

So here are some ways you can deepen that connection and truly love yourself this year.

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Build trust in yourself

It took me a long time to realize that self-trust isn’t something we inherently have—it’s something we build. And if you’re not careful, it’s something that can quietly erode over time.

At my lowest moments, I’d tell myself I’d go to the gym in the morning, only to hit snooze instead. It didn’t feel like a big deal at the time—until I realized how often I was breaking these small promises. Every time I said I’d do something and didn’t follow through, I was unconsciously telling myself: you can’t trust your own word.

My best tip for this? Start small. Build the muscle. Make commitments that are easy to keep and prove to yourself that you can show up—even if it's for just five minutes.

Challenge:

• Schedule 5 minutes of stretching in the morning. And then actually do it.

• Promise yourself you’ll read 5 pages of a book at night—and follow through.

These tiny wins might seem insignificant at first, but trust me, they’re laying the foundation for bigger self-trust and confidence.

Do the things you don’t love (but know are good for you)

Let’s be honest—no one loves doing everything on their self-care list. Whether it’s running, drinking green smoothies, or waking up early to meditate, we all have tasks that feel more like obligations than joyful hobbies. But self-love means showing up for yourself, even when it’s not fun or convenient.

Challenge: Look at these tasks more intentionally this year. Make a list: what are the things that you don’t love doing but know that are good for you. And then actively schedule them into your calendar. Besides just doing the tasks, learn to start reframing how you look at these tasks.

Instead of “Ugh, I have to go for a run,” try: “I get to go for a run and give my body the movement it deserves.”

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Cook yourself a nutritious meal

If food were a love language, it would be mine. I may be biased here, but nothing beats finding new recipes to try, going out and buying fresh ingredients and then coming home, throwing on my favorite playlist and preparing a meal for myself. Even if cooking isn’t your thing, making yourself a delicious, healthy meal is an act of self-respect.

Challenge:

• Plan a "date night" with yourself in the kitchen.

• Romanticize the process: light candles, play your favorite playlist, and try a new recipe.

• Live out your Nara Smith dreams—just for one night.

Here are a few recipes I’ve bookmarked if you need inspiration:

Taiwanese sticky pork belly

Miso-butter pan-friend salmon

Mushroom Al Pastor tacos

Orecchiette sausage pasta with creamy tomato sauce

Taking care of your skin (from head to toe)

I’ve had a skincare routine since high school, but last year I started taking my body skincare more seriously. Fun fact: our body skin makes up 90% of our skin’s surface, yet most people neglect it. Studies show that while 85% of people follow a face-care routine, only about 30% regularly moisturize their body. As we age, the skin on our body becomes more prone to dryness, leading to itchiness, flakiness, and premature aging if not properly cared for.

Beyond just moisturizing, taking care of our body is also about protection, exfoliation, and nourishment. In the same way that we would exfoliate, apply SPF, and drink tons of water to keep our face clear and glowing, the same applies for the rest of your body.

Some of the body rituals I’ve added to my routine are:

• Exfoliating with a natural loofah - I love this one from Amazon

• Using a gentle oil cleanser - This Bioderma body wash is so luxurious and leaves my skin so soft

• Applying sunscreen if I’m out in the sun - You will still get tanned, I promise

• Using moisturizers that actually work - I’m starting to think that the Bath and Body Works creams are just to smell nice

• Using a dry-oil - this brings extra moisture AND leaves you glowing, it’s a win-win. I love this one from Nuxe

Challenge: Pick one new body ritual to try and stick with it for 2 weeks. See how it makes you feel. Do you notice a difference in the softness of your skin? Is it a ritual that makes you feel good? Continue to add and tweak this routine until you feel like you have a good body-care routine.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone

“Growth happens in the discomfort zone.” I can’t remember where I heard that quote, but I’ve lived by it for years. And it’s true—our brains are wired to prefer the familiar because familiarity equals safety. This tendency towards the familiar is deeply rooted in our survival instincts - our brains are wired to see the unknown as potentially dangerous.

However, this is exactly why pushing ourselves to try new things and step out of our comfort zones is so important for personal growth. When we challenge ourselves, we build resilience, develop new skills, and often discover hidden strengths we didn't know we had.

Challenge: Make a list of some things that you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t because of whatever fears/excuses/reasons you’ve given yourself. And then find time in the next 2 months and do one of them. Just one! It’s not that hard, I promise. Once you’ve accomplished that task, schedule another one for the next quarter. (Ew, I know. I do operate in quarters still even though I no longer work a corporate job.) Just think about how good you’ll feel if you can try 4 new things this year that are outside of your comfort zone!

Listen to your body

This one feels a little arbitrary, but it’s something that I’ve found really has helped me grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Listening to your body means developing a deeper awareness of your physical and mental states, and responding to your body's signals rather than ignoring them. It's about recognizing when you need rest, when you're genuinely hungry versus eating out of habit, and when you're pushing yourself too hard.

Some examples of what your body might be telling you:

• Persistent fatigue - Maybe you need more sleep or are overworking yourself

• Headaches or eye strain - Could be a sign to take a break from screens

• Digestive issues - Might indicate stress or food sensitivities

• Muscle tension - Often signals that you need to move or stretch more

• Mood changes - Could be related to sleep quality, nutrition, or stress levels

The key is to respond to these signals with compassion rather than judgment. If your body is telling you to rest, allow yourself that rest without feeling guilty. If you're craving movement, make time for exercise. It's about building a relationship with yourself where you trust and honor what your body is trying to tell you.

Challenge: Start a body awareness journal where you spend 5 minutes each day noting how you feel physically and emotionally. Look for patterns over time and adjust your daily routines based on what you learn about yourself.

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Slow down (and smell the flowers)

In today's fast-paced world, approximately 77% of people experience stress that affects their physical health, while 73% report stress impacting their mental health. Not only is this affecting your overall health, the constant state of rushing and busyness can also lead to burnout and decreased productivity.

Last year, I realized my body had adapted to high-speed living as its default. I rushed through tasks, ignored hunger cues, and convinced myself that slowing down was lazy. In reality, slowing down isn’t about doing less—it’s about being more intentional with our time and energy and incorporating healthy habits and routines in our lives so that we can maintain the same level of output without burning ourselves out.

Challenge: Build small “slowness rituals” into your day

• Create transition periods: Buffer 10-15 minutes between meetings or tasks to reset and prepare

• Practice mindful moments: Set 3 daily alarms to take 3 deep breaths and check in with yourself

• Implement "slow mornings": Wake up 30 minutes earlier to avoid rushing through your morning routine

• Digital sunset: Set a cutoff time for work emails and social media each evening

• Task-batching: Choose one task to focus on completely instead of juggling multiple things

Pick one and try it out for the week!

Do the things you love—without guilt

In therapy today (yes, I had therapy on Valentine’s Day—peak self-love) my therapist reminded me that work-life balance is a myth. Life naturally ebbs and flows. Sometimes, work takes priority; other times, life should.

For years, I felt guilty whenever I prioritized fun or rest over work. But the truth is, doing what you love fuels your productivity. Play and rest aren’t indulgent—they’re essential.

Challenge: I’ve started to implement write-off days during the week. As a freelancer and creator, I have the advantage of being in charge of my schedule. But even if you work a 9-5, pick a couple of weekend days and allow yourself to have a write-off day. Binge that netflix show, eat snacks, cozy up with a tea and read—whatever it is that you want to do. Ignore the chores, the life responsibilities, and the work that’s leaking into your personal life for one day. I promise you life won’t fall apart and that you’ll come back the next day with more resilience and energy to tackle whatever comes next.

Self-love isn’t just about face masks and indulgences—it’s about building trust, honoring your needs, and making space for joy. It’s about treating yourself with the same respect, care, and attention you’d give to the people you love most.

So this year, take the time to nurture that relationship with yourself. And remember: learning to love yourself is less about achieving perfection and more about showing up, day after day, with curiosity and kindness.

Happy Valentine’s Day—you deserve it.