12: Finding joy in life again
Letting my world expand again post-break up
This morning I woke up from a dream feeling oddly loved and warm. I was spending time with a friend I used to know, someone who isn’t in my life anymore. But instead of sadness, I felt grateful. Grateful for the friendships I have now. The ones I can’t imagine living without. The ones I know I’ll carry to my deathbed.
I started my day normally—made coffee, walked Mika, journaled, but instead of sitting at my computer, I headed to Gastown to film. As I walked around composing snapshots and video frames in my head, I was struck by how beautiful everything was despite being overcast and gloomy. My job has taught me to really open my eyes and search for beauty wherever I go and for that I’m thankful.
I recently wrote about welcoming more boredom into my life and actually taking the time to be present enough to appreciate it. A big part of that looks like paying more attention to the mundane moments. Walking from one place to another. Driving through an ever-changing city. Taking a pause and looking up to look at treetops and roof tops. I learned to walk fast, talk fast, move fast but I realized that nothing I’m chasing requires me to live faster. In fact, I think my goals all have to do with being able to live slower and I’m afraid by the time I get there, I wont remember how to live at all.
To counter that, here are some moments that held my attention or just made me disproportionately happy this week:
The leaves that have fallen are still crisp and yellow so the entire city is filled with color.
The combination of warm brick against black paint and grey stone.
Being able to just wear a sweater and a wool coat.
The quiet hum of conversation and the steaming of milk at a cafe.
Hitting your macros for the day nearly perfectly.
Pushing yourself to hit the gym the day after a night out and realizing that you’re stronger and more resilient than you thought.
Having someone prove to you that “if he wanted to, he would.”
Watching your friends get ready in the bathroom mirror.
Hot yoga before a night out.
I’m also starting to see that leaving my last relationship has also allowed me to feel a greater range of emotions which has in turn led to more joy and gratitude. I didn’t realize how small being in that relationship made my world until months later realizing I can breathe again. I’ll be writing more about this soon.
In other news, I permed my hair for the first time!! I love having waves but am usually too lazy to fuss with my pin-straight hair so this was the best investment. I chose a digital perm so that I can have natural waves with a lovely soft texture and volume that can be styled curlier if I wanted to. The whole process, including my hair cut, took about 4 hours. I think it may stay as one of the “high maintenance things to keep me low maintenance.” When it’s time to re-do the perm, I may try a combination of cold perm and digital perm for an even curlier finish.
01
As someone who wears more menswear silhouettes than women’s, I do actually love a feminine outfit. I acquired this top while in Mexico City because I fell in love with the cinched waist and bow detailing. I also got to connect with the owner and designer of the brand (Estudio 1999) which made all the pieces I took home even more special. Most of their pieces are upcycled and one-of-a-kind but they do typically create the same styles, just with different colours and patterns. Mark my words, I will be outfit repeating this one in spring.
I ran errands during the day and then switched out the ballerinas for my vintage heeled Gucci boots for dinner mostly because it was POURING that night. I visited Locanda Dell’Orso with my sister for dinner for a cute girls night. As much as I wanted to skip on a jacket, the weather was not on my side so I opted for this structural SHUSHU/TONG piece I thrifted earlier this year. It’s a full denim a-line coat. I definitely didn’t do it justice with the photo so I’ll have to capture it again in a different outfit.
02
It’s been a busy season for campaigns meaning I’m running around a lot filming for different brands which honestly has been a great mood-booster for me this season. I’m spending more time in cafés because I’m forced to but it showed me how badly I needed to start getting out of the house more. Think I’ll try to work from a café at least 3 times a week for the rest of the season.
The leather jacket + sweater + jeans uniform is fail proof for this time of year but I love how my old Celine tote and the ballerinas gave this look a more fem touch. I’m also feeling proud of myself because I said I wanted to wear this jacket more this season and it’s been on rotation for a few weeks now.
03
I had a mid week errands day just dropping off packages and picking up groceries so this was the perfect, brainless uniform to throw on. I’ll be a plaid shirt girl for life because it really is just the perfect layering piece for transitional weather. I also love that the shirt is longer than my jacket because it brings more flow to an otherwise rigid piece.
04
Hair cut day! I honestly had no idea how long a perm would take since it was my first one but I’m so glad I opted for comfortable clothes. I don’t reach for these barrel leg pants much but they do make for the perfect piece when you need maximum comfort. I recently bought a few of LESET’s Margo tees so this was my first day taking the long-sleeve Margo for a spin.
I really do understand why it’s so well-loved—the cut is phenomenal.
05
On slower days, I love heading to café but with no laptop and just my journals and a book. I wanted to go coat-less so I actually dug up my Uniqlo heat tech for the first time this season to layer under my sweater and tee.
I’ve been eyeing the Citizens of Humanity Ayla jeans for a few seasons now and fell in love with it even further when I tried it on at The Hills last month. I love the relaxed fit and versatile length that looks great rolled up. While I decide whether it’s worth the hefty price tag, I’m making do with these Stüssy jeans.
06
Had a girls dinner with Summer planned so I opted for an easy and comfortable outfit. It has a similar formula to the 04 outfit (black top, plaid shirt, black pants, loafers) but I think the relaxed trousers and alpaca sweater really softens the look.
I also tried to break up the chunks of black with a soft brown suede bag and some brown loafers. I’ll always love the black and brown combo no matter who says it doesn’t work.
07
My Gastown filming/shopping/cafe day outfit. I got these penny loafers from Rothys as a gift and oh my gosh they are SO comfortable. I’m usually not a fan of textile shoe but these are so breathable and still have such a beautiful structure. Happy I discovered them, I throw them on now whenever I need to run out the door and they make it seem like I put effort into my outfit.
Excited to share more in the coming weeks. My work load is finally starting to slow down a tad which means more time for the work that really fulfills me. Thanks for sticking around and reading these week by week. Excited to share what I’m working on next soon!
Angel x
Something I’m telling myself currently is: no attachments to the past, no worries about the future, presence, patience, right here, right now. It’s really helping me be in the present moment, and maybe it will help you.
I love 03 and 06!!! 03 looks so chic and the black brown combo in 06 is giving one of Andy's transformational looks in The Devil Wears Prada 😍