I spent my entire life learning how to be “cool”. I’ve been given so much varying advice over the years. Cool girls have good style. Cool girls take up space. Cool girls are pretty. Cool girls listen to more than just pop music. Cool girls like this show or that movie. Cool girls will have lost their virginity by the tenth grade (yes this was actual advice that I received as a sixth grader).

The social narrative around “coolness” has been commoditized for decades, tying it to appearance, social status, trends, and pop culture. I grew up in the age of magazines and I remember being hypnotized by the models in both western and eastern publications—showing off the hot new styles that were unachievable (and unnecessary) for a pre-teen. Being cool always felt out-of-reach, with barriers like money, status, and not looking like the models in the way. Now 29 (almost 30) years into my life, I’ve finally learned that “being cool” is so much more than how you look, what you wear, and what you consume.
I’ve already talked about the topics of redefining “the cool girl” on TikTok, as well as on my podcast Feel Good Lab so I thought it was finally time to bring this to my blog and newsletter as well. As it has on the other platforms, I’m aiming to build this into a series—something that grows with me as I learn more about what being “cool” really means.
Starting with what I already know about cool girls, discovered after years of observing some of the coolest women in my life. I didn’t make the rules, I’m just the messenger, but it’s time we redefined the cool girl narrative.
The Shift: What Cool Should Mean Today
If I was to break down life into distinct categories of what truly matters, I’d say it’d look something like this:
- finance/career
- health
- relationships
- fun
- personal growth
Let’s break each of these categories down.
Finance & Career
Cool girls take ownership in their futures. This was something I struggled with a ton growing up, often feeling lost about my purpose and my goals. I’m still learning about personal finances to this day, and will continue to as I make more and more adult financial decisions. Starting simple, there first needs to be an understanding of your current situation.
The first time that I created a spreadsheet calculating how much it would cost to move out and live on my own, I was shocked. $1,500 for rent while also taking into account all of the other fixed expenses of life seemed nearly impossible to achieve. At the time it was, I was working part-time at a restaurant while going to school. Although that moment left me deflated, it was also a critical learning moment for me. Yes, I still ended up struggling with debt and budgeting for a few years after, but I learned a priceless lesson around the importance of not carrying debt and always making sure I was actively trying to pay it off. My persistence (and anxiety) for learning how I can take control of my finances finally paid off (literally) a few years later when I cleared all my debt.
You Need A Budget was the first tool that actually made a difference when it came to learning about budgeting. I still pay for it to this day and have built it into my weekly routine. If you’re struggling with learning about how to manage your personal finances, I can’t recommend this enough. They have so many resources on their website that can help, and their “every last dollar” method is a game-changer when it comes to budget education. I’d also highly recommend looking into how you can utilize tools like a line-of-credit in a healthy way to help you manage your debt. Some financial institutions will actually have promotions for their lines-of-credit that give you a bonus or a low interest rate if you transfer over your debt.
Health
The cool girl narrative once idolized partying all night and pushing through exhaustion to keep up appearances. I definitely fell for this trap, normalizing staying out and up until the sun rises and then waking up after just a few hours of sleep to show that “I can do anything!” There are much healthier conversations on the internet about health, sleep, and wellness today, and for that I am thankful. Because let’s be real: today, being cool means prioritizing your health and learning to take care of your body.
Just like with your finances, there’s a world of consumable knowledge that’s very openly available to us. It’s taken me a long time to sift through the noise and find what really works for my body. This is still an ongoing journey today but some topics that I’ve been researching are:
- Eating whole, nutritious foods rather than following specific diets.
- Moving your body in ways that make you feel strong and joyful, whether that’s yoga, weightlifting, or just walking with a podcast.
- Getting enough sleep and respecting your boundaries, even if that means saying no to plans.
- Taking care of your mental health by going to therapy, meditating, or journaling to process emotions.
- Focusing on lowering your cortisol levels to facilitate a healthier lifestyle all around.
Cool girls know that our energy is precious, that beauty starts from within (quite literally), and that knowing how to take care of your body might be one of the most attractive traits you could have. (Second only to self-awareness.)
Relationships
In a world where we’ve started to care more about the number of followers and subscribers we have over the amount of genuine connections we have IRL, building real relationships has become somewhat of a lost art form. Even dating has been whittled down to judging people by a few lines of descriptions in their bio and swiping through a carefully curated set of photos. How we have all so willingly exchanged meeting people organically for this mechanical and shallow form of connection is beyond me. Now more than ever, we need to reestablish the importance of learning how to socialize authentically.
Coolness isn’t about the numbers, the attention, or how you’re perceived. It’s about how you treat the people around you and your ability to foster deep connections with the people you care about. I’ll give some credit to the idea that the “cool kids” in school were the popular ones although the movies got one thing wrong: it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. The coolest people I know have strong relationships and close (and long-lasting) friendships in their lives. They have healthy relationships that are built on communication and mutual respect. They know how to compromise but also when to stand up for themselves. The understand what types of relationships drain them versus the ones that fuel them.
Humans were built to connect. Although we’ve all adapted to these new digital methods (this newsletter for example, is a way I connect with my community), it’s important to also prioritize your IRL community. There’s nothing more rewarding and fulfilling than cultivating friendships and relationships that inspire and energize you while being brave enough to let go of ones that no longer serve you.
Fun
Hands up if you’ve also been neglecting this category for years due to a natural dependency towards work and achievement and utilizing that to validate your self-worth ✋🏼✋🏼✋🏼. Besides my negligence towards fun, my idea of fun has always revolved around what everyone else was doing and enjoying. At some point, the concept of fun became a performance, curated for appearances rather than genuine enjoyment. Discovering real fun only comes once you’ve done the work to learn and understand yourself.
For me, fun is found in the little moments: the freedom to spend time with loved ones, getting way too into a niche hobby, or fully immersing myself in something just because it brings me joy. It’s not about what looks good on social media or what others think is cool. It’s about what feels good to you. Life isn’t just about responsibilities or chasing big goals. There’s a kind of magic in allowing yourself to be playful and spontaneous. Fun doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive either. It can be as simple as binge-watching your favorite show in pajamas, experimenting with a new recipe, or trying something completely random just because you feel like it (very manifesting generator of me to say).
The coolest people I know don’t take life too seriously. They make time to play, laugh, and find joy in the unexpected. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that fun isn’t about perfection—it’s about letting go and fully living in the moment. It’s about finding out what you enjoy the most and prioritizing it regardless of what anyone else thinks. It’s about learning that creating fun for yourself can be just as fulfilling as getting that next promotion or landing that next big deal. In fact, it’s actually a crucial part of what allows us to continue to be productive, creative, and efficient. Without the allowance of fun in our lives, we are not giving ourselves the fuel needed to continue to thrive.
It’s actually quite simple—fun is one of the biggest drivers (and re-energizers) in our lives. This is one of the most profound discoveries that I’ve made in my twenties after struggling with guilt and shame around balancing fun with adulting. Now knowing how intertwined fun is with purpose and life, I’m actively trying to unlearn my habits around work and play to create a healthier balance that will inevitably help me live a happier life.
Personal Growth
It was hard for me to start this section because personal growth feels like such a large and broad topic to broach. But I’ll start this—it’s all about getting to know yourself truly and deeply, and developing a strong sense of self-awareness. Real growth happens when you admit that you don’t know everything. It’s about embracing the fact that we’re all works in progress.
Here’s a quick summary of what I’ve learned about personal growth so far:
- Self-awareness is key. Taking the time to understand my patterns, triggers, and blind spots has been life-changing.
- Growth isn’t linear. It’s messy, non-linear, and full of detours—but that’s what makes it so rewarding.
- Being open to feedback and new perspectives makes all the difference. Some of my biggest breakthroughs have come from listening to others, even when it’s uncomfortable.
- Doing the work is hard. Nobody said it would be easy but man, it is really challenging. Is it worth it though? Absolutely.
- Nothing is as it seems. Every issue can be traced to a more deeply-rooted issue. Until you start to get to bottom of it, it’s hard to change.
Personal growth is not about striving for perfection. It’s about evolving with intention, being kind to yourself along the way, and staying committed to becoming the best version of yourself. The coolest thing about growth? It never ends. Whether you choose the path of therapy, self-help reading, or any other driver of personal growth, making that first decision to work on yourself will be a pivotal moment in anyone’s life. I promise you, investing in your personal growth and staying curious and open-minded is one of the coolest things you could do for yourself.
Learning to be cool
Creating this series has been both a fun discovery as well as a great reminder for myself. It’s prompted me to observe my loved ones in a different way while also reevaluating my own habits and behaviors. The coolest people I know don’t chase trends or try to fit into someone else’s definition of success. They’re intentional about their choices, curious about the world, and unafraid to embrace what makes them unique. They invest in their futures, nurture their health, build meaningful relationships, make time for joy, and commit to lifelong growth.
At its core, being cool is about authenticity. It’s about stepping away from the noise and pressure of external validation and tuning into who you are and what you truly want. It’s about creating a life that feels good—not just looks good.
So, let’s rewrite the cool girl narrative together. Let’s make it less about fitting in and more about standing out by living intentionally. Cool isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. It’s about doing the work to become someone you’re proud of.
If you enjoyed this exploration, make sure to subscribe to my newsletter to read more. I can’t wait to dive deeper into more specific topics around what being cool really means. In the meantime, keep growing, learning, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I’m excited to embark on this journey together.
Angel x