May
2025 has been a doozy. Every month has brought about a slew of changes that leave my head spinning and eyes glazing over. I swear the changes get crazier and crazier and I really hope May was the climax. I traveled, I reset, I traveled again…
and then I went through a break up.
Actually, scratch that. I’m going through a break up. It’s not past tense yet.
I used to think that break ups would get easier as you got older.
“You get used it!”
“You have more to live for!”
“Desensitization!”
What my silly little 20 year old brain didn’t account for was how intertwined your lives become. Shared home, goals, dreams, and plans. Often even sharing your families. So now, instead of just mourning a relationship, you’re grieving for what was, what could’ve been, and all the plans you’ll never get to see through.
So shit, was I wrong. It’s so much harder now.
I’m currently sitting in my new apartment that I moved into over the course of 3 days. The universe really made every step align because to find an apartment within budget, book the moving elevator, and book movers all within 3 days? Unheard of but here we are. (As I’m writing this, I don’t even have wifi yet so this is being typed up in Apple Notes and I’ll have to post it on Substack tomorrow at a café. Oh the joys of sudden move.)
I’ll definitely be talking more about this experience and how it’s changed me in future posts but for now, let me bask in the normalcy of writing up a good ol’ monthly wrapped post. It’s keeping me feeling a little more sane.
Books
And other reads
This year has been a little slow when it comes to my reading journey but with no wifi until June 10th, I’ll definitely be doing some catch up.
Last Summer In The City by Gianfranco Calligarich
I picked up this book at random 2 years ago because I loved the cover and that it was based in Italy. To my surprise, the foreword was written by Andre Aciman so I already had a feeling it’d be great. This book was moody, visceral, and gave you the sensation that you were also spending an oppressively hot summer in Rome. The story follows [name goes here] as he navigates adulthood mental health, and an inability to connect. It’s a tough one to read at times but I have a feeling it’ll end up being one of my favorite reads this year.
What it’s like in words by Eliza Moss
Sometimes it feels like the universe hands you books at just the right time so that you can get a deeper understanding or new perspective into something you already know. I won’t lie, I was hunting for parallels when I started this read but I think I was just vulnerable and looking to be understood. (Thankfully) there were as many parallels as I had thought but if you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship, some pieces will definitely feel familiar.
This story follows Enola, a writer haunted by the abandonment she feels from both her parents in very different ways. As she explores a relationship that turns toxic quick, she has to decide how much of her past she’ll let define her and who she wants to be moving forward.
Interesting articles
Things I’m choosing instead of urgency by Milk and Cookies
“most of us were raised inside a culture that treats speed as virtue. faster results, faster replies, faster solutions. you’re supposed to know your five-year plan at nineteen, your brand at twenty-three, your fallback strategy by twenty-five. urgency is disguised as ambition. as responsibility. as adulthood. it’s never presented as a choice.”
Why Even Try if You Have A.I.?
“The phone eats time; it makes us live the way people do inside a casino, dropping a blackout curtain over the windows to block out the world, except the blackout curtain is a screen, showing too much of the world, too quickly.”
Rituals
Although I’ve done it before, living alone suddenly feels like a whole new experience. I feel excited, nervous, scared, but also grateful that I can support myself and go back to living alone. June will be all about developing new rituals that cultivate growth, healing, and learning but for now the one ritual that I’ve held onto is my morning routine.
I was definitely spoiled at my last place because we had a yard that I could let my pup out to in the mornings. This convenience made me a little lazier, not really prioritizing a walk first thing. Now that I’m back in my condo-life era, it’s been really nice going for a walk with Mika as soon as I wake up. It takes effort to get us both ready, wait for the elevator, and get all the way downstairs so I use that momentum to make sure both of us are getting some fresh air first thing.
Inspired by
Looking on the positive side, this era of my life is a great time for me to rebuild my independence and evaluate my routines and creative processes. I draw inspiration from everywhere. But this past month, my energy is coming from bustling cities, friends and chosen family, and trust in self. I personally love a good mood board so here’s a visual representation of what’s been inspiring me.
Eating
Cucumber side dishes have been a staple ever since I was young. I recently discovered this quick cucumber kimchi side dish that I’ve been eating with everything. It’s perfect with rice and meats but I love it drizzled over scrambled eggs in the morning too.
Ingredients:
5-7 small cucumbers
1/2 tbsp salt
1 tbsp rice vinegar
1 tbsp minced garlic
1.5 tbsp guchugaru (Korean chilli powder)
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp brown sugar (or honey)
1 tsp sesame seeds
Instructions:
Slice cucumbers down the middle then chop them into pieces
Add them to a bowl with salt and set aside for 15 minutes
Drain the water and rinse the cucumbers with cold water to remove extra salt
Put cucumbers in a container. Add rice vinegar, minced garlic, sesame oil, gochugaru, soy sauce, brown sugar (or honey), and sesame seeds. Mix well so that all cucumbers are coated
Taste to see if it needs more honey or brown sugar
Secure in an airtight container to enjoy later. I keep this in the fridge throughout the week and they get yummier and yummier
Favorites
Ilha Do Mel by Memo Paris. I brought my decant of this to Asia and absolutely loved it. It’s a fresh, jasmine white floral scent that’s feels warm and inviting.
Swim by Gabar. If you’re a lover of green scents, this has been my go-to spring scent. Despite the name, to me it smells more green and lush than aquatic. It reminds me of gardens after a fresh spring rain.
Porcelain Pulse by Roan. Crisp, fresh, tea scent that has a touch of dirtiness to it. There’s actually a carrot note in this but to me it more comes out as an earthy sweetness. Super addicting. I personally love a scent that has depth and contrast and so this is definitely up my alley.
Midori Pen Loop. Discovered this at Itoya in Tokyo and I wish I bought more. They’re the perfect adjustable pen loop to add to any journal. Plus it keeps your journal closed too.
Snapping









What I’m looking forward to in June
I’m freshly single, facing a new decade, and entering my favorite season of the year. I’m hoping that June brings more stability but also a renewed sense of wonder for what’s to come. I used to struggle a lot with ambiguity and uncertainty. I think it’s time to remind myself that sometimes the best things come when you least expect it. Although I was not raised religious I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Whether you want to call it trust in the universe or trust in myself—I just know that everything will always work out in the end.
So here’s to a new era!
hang in there! i so admire how you view ebbs and flows in your life with perspective and grace for yourself, knowing everything will be okay and always seeing the bright side. i always look forward to your monthly summaries and am feeling inspired to write one myself!
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a break up. But I enjoyed reading about how you're valuing this time to yourself and what new rituals you're putting into place. Life is hard and beautiful in turn. Hopefully things are on the upswing for you.